My boy is bigger than you!

Great! Another "no heating" service call on a Friday evening. This call is thirty miles South of where I was parked and I had planned to travel thirty some miles North to the comforts of home. At the time home was a twenty five year old single wide mobile on the outskirts of town on a few acres. We were living in this wreck while completing the building of our own home on the same land. That mobile was the only home we payed cash for ($2,000.00) and owned outright. Then we turned around and sold it for $2,000.00 a year later. You might say we broke even.


As I pull into the projects, a two story apartment building in south Sac, the first thing that greets me as I roll into the parking lot are two vehicles, no air in the tires and the hood up on one. So that set the scene pretty well as to what type of customers we were dealing with.


The entrance to the apartments are a vivid recolection. I see before me a long flight of stairs going up into a dark chasm to the upper units. Apt 2 on the left top, Apt 4 on the right top. My goal is Apt 2.


With my tools in hand I start the climb through the murky exhaust of cigarette smoke and old food odors where before me on the landing looms Gelda.


When the sun broke through the curtain of darkness that Friday morning Gelda rubbed the sleep from her crusted lids and decided in her muddled brain," I think I am going to leave my hair down today and not wash it. Also I'm going with the ensemble of short, stained, grey sweat shorts and my XXX faded red Budweiser t shirt. That way I'll be comfy, the cool air around my ashen sticks for legs will help my circulation problems. But I do want my black socks on in case I have to go down to seven eleven and get my smokes before the furnace man gets here".


Gelda took one look at me and in her disgust she jerked her thumb out from behind her massiveness and said "its in here and you were s'posed to be here an hour ago". I was in trouble because I could here the Jerry Springer show on inside and she was missing it.


The landing was only big enough for her and she wasn't moving because she felt it was better to stand there to hold the door open so I pressed myself against her and the stucco wall and scraped through to the furnace in question.


"Whats the problem with your furnace" I asked with the professionalism of one that was terribly sorry to have interrupted her busy day. She said, " well the last idiot that was out here says he saw a crack in my furnace, shut the gas off and told me I need a new furnace". "I'm not gonna sit here and freeze all winter 'cause I can't afford a new one". To myself I'm thinking well, leave out the three cartons of cigs a week, the two six pacs of BUD every other day, the Johny Walker Red over there and his buddy Jack Daniels in the corner, yeah I think you can afford a new furnace there Gelda" But I said, "I understand let me take a look at it"


I set up shop right there in the kitchen and commenced to pulling this furnace apart. Once I had the blower motor removed I was able to get on my knees and with my flashlight inspected the confines of this hairy, dusty, heap of warmth for cracks.


With Jerry and his gang going all out in the back ground, and some other show blasting on a different TV in the other bedroom I tried to relay to her my findings from inside the furnace. "Gelda I don't see any cracks in this heat exchanger, are you sure its visible to the eye"? (sometimes we can use cameras for these inspections) "Really, bellows Gelda, the only crack I can see is yours". Oh that was funny yeah we had us a real knee slapper there. Her gapped -tooth yapper was flapping like you wouldn't believe. Just like that she sobered up and said, " How big are you"? Not able to respond quickly enough she "Drill Sargented" me again and said, "Get up I think my boy is bigger than you are". "Lester! Get in here for a minute, honey!" I'm thinking Honey? How can sweet water and bitter come from the same well?


So here I am somewhere off Mack Rd, in a four plex standing toe to toe and chin to chin with Lester. He's only 20 years old but he stands a good 2 inches over my feeble 6'2". "I thought so" she said. Lester smiled at her thankful for her approval as and she dismissed him.


Well we are not done yet.


I got back into "furnace man" position and reassembled that old Coleman as it was fit for service and fired it up. Still on my knees I swiveled to stash a tool and there she is again towering over me and proclaims, "Lester was so big when he was born that I had to have him Cesarean, she reaches for the handle on her XXX BUD shirt and says, want to see the scar!??


I managed to escape that inspection, but unfortunately the real scar seared into my memory is of her heft towering over me preparing to unfurl the garment.

House By The Road

My loving wife Laurie has the neatest little cross-stitched sampler in an old frame. It's old, because everything we have in our home has been used, forgotten and then placed in a random antique shop. Then her keen eye spies it and home it comes.

The quote in the stitching reads, "Let me live in the house by the side of the road and be a friend to man". I suppose that's what we are all about really. We live out in the country and we see our nearest neighbor once or twice a month. We welcome any weary traveler whether he be passing through to Tahoe or just needing a place to rest. The coffee pot is quickly rinsed out and a fresh pot of Dark Roast is soon wafting from the kitchen. Tea is not out of reach either as Laurie enjoys a cup or two as well.

This house by the road was built by yours truly with the help of some very dear friends. The help came in different forms though, some was physical, some was monetary and some was offered in remarks like, "I don't think I would have done it that way..." Of course being thin-skinned at the time and only 25 years old I took offence immediately, got over it, and when "they" weren't looking I would tear out that wall and start over.

Laurie and I raised three wonderful boys here between visitors coming and going. Occasionally the boys would give up their beds as our ministers would come and stay with us from time to time. At times we have a pile of young people come and stay here and at other similair homes for the big ski weekends. You could say that this house by the road is filling a need.

Well it all sounds so cozy and easy. Cozy for sure. Easy? Not quite. Life's not supposed to be easy; it just doesn't work that way. If it gets too easy we get lazy and let our guard down. Well guess what, we are in a tough spot now. It's not unfamiliar territory, but it seems like we are in for a longer stretch this time. Jobs are drying up around the country. Folks are hanging on to their wallets and purses. Spending is way down, and everybody is feeling it. Suddenly the extras aren't so important anymore. It's time to take a look at ourselves. We need to realise it's okay to not have all the goodies. The house by the road is a comforting sight. It's still home.

Lately I've seen some pretty sad situations. Folks have had to turn their backs and drive away from their homes for the last time. Some beautiful places in some incredible settings sitting vacant. The property has gone back to the bank, values have dropped. Terms like foreclosure, short sale and trustee sale are common verbage anymore. It looks bleak.

Opportunity abounds in a market like this! Its time to jump in and get involved in these homes. Values have dropped to levels we thought were only in our memories. I remember thinking my boys were never going to be able to own a home in California. Well guess what? Swift-thinking Mike and Lesa (father and mother-in-law to my oldest son) found a 1600 sq. ft two-story house for $130,000.00. Sweat equity is being poured into it. Orange trees with massive fruit are in the back yard. A fence is up around the property and soon little Charlie Mae will be having a tea party with her dolls in the back. Opportunity has blossomed into a fantastic future. Equity will eventually rise, and in the meantime the kids are living the American dream. Just think, now they can say, " Let me live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend to man".